Tuesday, 22 May 2007

Cranky

So, you go to see a doctor. Perfectly reasonable person. He diagnoses you and prescribes medication. Tells you to read up on your condition, directing you to his website. Which you do. You then discover that according to his website he doesn't think that the medication he's prescribed is useful. What do you do? Why, you email your doctor and ask him for clarification, don't you? I did. So do you expect a snitty email in response? No, you expect him to say, well, actually this that and whatever. You expect an explanation [I'm trying something out, I haven't updated that in a while, Sometimes the stuff works and you might be one of the lucky ones 'cause what you've got is better than the next step]. Do you get that? No, you get a snitty email from your doctor who seems to think you're questioning his wondrous medical powers. Uh, no, I just want you to explain things to me so that I understand. Don't think this is over. I've got papers and I'm bringing them with me, when next I go... We will have our explanations. We will understand.

And then you get an email from some friends of yours. They're having a thing. It's very exciting and you're wanting to be with them through it. But they have been saying different things to different people. They've finally gotten together and clarified what they really want. Pity there are only a few more days to go. A little bit of short notice to suddenly say 'hey, we've completely changed our minds and are retracting all those things we said'. Which annoys me. Particularly given their general capriciousness and the large likelihood of them holding your disagreement against you for the rest of your life. End friendship here. When you don't see people that often anyway, it's not that big a deal. It's difficult though 'cause this is special for them and you want it to be special for them but they're not making it easy on you. And you're cranky anyway 'cause your doctor is being unhelpful and not actually answering the questions you asked him.

And as if that's not bad enough, you have all these things dragging down on you. Friends you don't really like but don't have the heart to get rid of. So you have to listen to their whining and their 'you're my best friend' crap 'cause otherwise you might hurt their feelings and there's nothing they like more than to lay on the guilt nice and thick. But god forbid you suggest that they're manipulative.

Never mind the fact that you're trying to do your job and have stuff to do without having to deal with everyone else's problems too. Why are there people in my world? Why don't they all just go away and let me stay in bed and read my book all day? Why can't I just say "I don't want to deal with you right now, go away. We can come back to this another time" and have them actually listen to me? Why will I feel guilty for not emailing a girl I don't really know anymore and wishing her a happy birthday? When I don't care about her at all and have far more important things on my mind?

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